I’ve been musically drained for quite a while now – and by quite a while I mean years. Ever since I went to college I have had less time, less desire, and less encouragement to play my harp, practice, or compose new music. It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just that occasionally one experiences dry seasons and this is one of them. I have felt the last few days as if I wanted to sit down and play the harp, but as it’s been a ridiculously busy week (even for me!), I haven’t had as much time as I’d like. I’ve barely skimmed through a jazz hymn arrangement.
All that to say, I’ve learned to accept this and to continue on with my business without worrying “When will this end?” “Will it ever end?” “Why do I feel this way?” It’s been a long process, but I’ve finally come to terms with having dry seasons, in several areas of my life. As long as I keep following my passions, I don’t feel as if this is a bad thing. Things will come full circle and some day I will return to my love of harp and enjoy practicing just as much (if not more) than I used to.
The last wedding I played at (where I had to learn several classical piano pieces) really took a toll on me. My house has been declared as a disaster area (only by me, thank goodness) because in times of stress, I physically cannot do the dishes or pick up around the house. It’s an outward sign of an inward distress that only ends once the stressful event is successfully complete.
The wedding went well – it was lovely, everything was beautiful – except that there was a song in the program that I had no idea I was supposed to play (it was not on the contract which had been signed months ago). Luckily, the song is a very, VERY common one so I simply transcribed it from memory and played it at the correct time. Although my husband was astonished (and admiring), which was nice, it didn’t seem like a very big deal to me – everybody knows the song, and it’s the easiest thing in the world to pick out a melody and chords, ESPECIALLY if it’s in the key of C, which is what I’ve played it in for years.
This event spurred some walking down memory lane and I was able to see why I didn’t think it was so special – I have three exceptionally talented siblings, all of whom show more musical ability than me. They play multiple instruments each (sister plays violin, piano, & harp; brother #1 plays guitar, piano, & violin; brother #2 plays cello and piano), and my sister can transpose in a matter of seconds. I was the one who had to work on everything just a bit harder. True, I can sight-read much faster and better than any of them, but that doesn’t count for much when everyone expects you to do that anyway. It was hard for me, and it’s still difficult when I play something with my siblings. It’s a reminder of how much less talented I am and how little I really know.
Seeing my husband’s eyes wide in wonder as I transcribed a simple piece was flattering – not in a bad way, but in a way that I knew he appreciated what talent I do have. It was very sweet.
Perhaps that’s why I’ve been running on empty for so long; I can only go so far with no encouragement. As Mark Twain said, “I can live for 3 months on a compliment” (paraphrased). It’s been years. And finally someone appreciates what I can do, instead of focusing on what I can’t.
Thank you.
